What's interesting about love is that children can know that you love them, but can feel like they are less important than other things in your life. Do you give your children more time and attention then your hobbies and responsibilities? Is the time you are spending with your children quality time or half-hearted? This is really challenging me because there are days where I feel like a failure as far as giving my children appropriate attention. Can I take a minute out of my chores to have a quality conversation with them? Can I include them in the chore I'm working on so they get that bonding time with me? Can I take 30 minutes and read them some books, sing some songs, play a game? These are my challenges this month. My schedule needs to communicate how important they are to me.
Another concept that Kimmel addresses is my attitude toward my children and the amount of work they are to me. Do I approach caring for them as a burden or a privilege? My children are all small. Only one of them is independent enough that I can ask him for help, at age 7. The other 3 really need help with daily grooming tasks, they need coached on clean-up and chores, how they eat at the table, all the little things that go into training small children. When we go out in public, I have to be close to them at all times and keep tabs on them because I am not guaranteed that they will stay with me in a store. It's for their safety and it's a lot of work. Do they hear me talking about all these responsibilities as a burden or a privilege? If they grow up constantly believing they are a burden to me because all I do is complain about how much work they are, am I communicating secure love to them? This is another challenge that I am facing this month as I adjust my attitude toward caring for them. I want them to grow up believing they are a privilege to raise instead of a burden. I am thankful for these years because they aren't going to stay little forever. They need to know they are worth the work and effort.
The last concept that I am ruminating on is the concept of honoring their unique personalities. How often does our fatigue, frustration, and annoyance with our children put down things about their personalities that they have no control over? Do we tell our children that their laughs are annoying, their passions are a waste of time, or the things they like aren't interesting enough for us to care about? When we choose not to share in their passions and to put down things about them they cannot change, we are really cutting down their ability to know secure love. I love that my oldest son gets excited about superheros. Do I take enough time to listen to the things he tells me and encourage him in his imagination or am I communicating to him that I don't care about his joy? Do I encourage my daughter in her love for singing and her ability to play alone or do I tell her to stop singing because I'm annoyed and chastise her for being anti-social? My kids need to know that I absolutely love their unique qualities and that they are worth the attention that I give them.
What are your challenges as a parent? What do you think about secure love and how are you communicating your children's importance to them?
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