My Current Brain Spasm

My friend said that this should be published somewhere.  It was a private message, but I'm happy to share it with all my readers.

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I read a lot of blogs about mothering, organizing, cleaning, this, that, and the other thing AND I think they put too much pressure on me to be the perfect mother. I AM NOT perfect. I can't have a baby whenever I want to. My house IS NOT clean. My laundry IS NOT organized, I don't cook naturally for EVERY meal. I don't follow a meticulous budget, and I don't make all my own "green" decorations and kids' clothes. I don't always pray and give things to God in stressful situations or direct my kids to do that. I break down and yell and scream. 

I am not perfect! I am normal. 

I'm not going to live up to the standards of being a "missional" mother. I'm not going to be able to always give my kids a clean diet and a keep a clutter free home. I'm not going to have days full of educational and Biblical activities that my kids can do so that I don't have to turn on the TV. I'm never going to cook without a microwave. I'm never going to always talk in a happy, cheery voice and smile at everyone I see. 

But, what I am going to be is the best I can be IN CHRIST to love and cherish my family so they can see HIM in our home. My kids will know that I am a fallen, sinful human being who without Christ would be damned to Hell. And, it is only through His work in me and His call on my life that I am who I am today.

living without

It was a huge sacrifice for me to start staying home from work to mother our four children full time.  It was a also a very hard adjustment emotionally and financially.  It was true that the babysitter was making more money per hour then I was, but we still had more money.

This change is very evident to me today.  We are almost finished with a major house rearrange because my 4 year old grew out of his toddler bed.  That meant we had to move the 3 boys to a bigger room, give our daughter their room (moving her out of ours) and finally deciding to trade our bedroom and the basement living room. 

Today, as we enter the final stages of the transition, I am cleaning a 12 ft by 18 ft handwoven wool persian rug that we got for free off of Craigslist.  The original purchase price of this rug was around $16,000 25 years ago.  The rug has a small damaged corner and is absolutely filthy, but is also very beautiful and sturdy and will hold up in our high traffic (4 kids, 3 dogs, 1 cat) bedroom space.  This rug was a real find.  In a clean condition, it will work perfect for our new basement master bedroom/office suite that we are creating today and tomorrow.  But, I have to say all this work is wearing me out!

So, how am I learning to live without?  If I was still working, I would have bought an appropriate sized rug and had it installed, with no work for me.  I would have been able to hire someone to help with our house transition instead of Dave and I having to do all the work.  I also noticed the ceiling in our basement, recycled paneling we got off of Craigslist.  It isn't pristine and gorgeous, but it does the job. 

Today I am faced with the hard lesson of living simply and doing the best I can with what we have.  I am learning lessons about my sinfulness as I covet what others have and selfishly desire for our new room to be immaculate and perfect.  But I thank God for the grace he gives me and the lesson I am learning about being simple and doing the best with what He has given us.  And, I will be excited tomorrow when all this hard work is behind me and I am relaxing in my new living room and bedroom with my hubby and kiddos!

Life at Teen Challenge

Dave and I live at Teen Challenge where Dave works as a drug and alcohol counselor.  The center is located at an old military facility in Western PA.  Teen Challenge has been located here for over 30 years.

This place is in the middle of nowhere.  The driveway is almost a mile long up a long and winding dirt road hill.  You have to know it's here to even find it.  It's not just a random place you would drive past on a drive through the country.

The entire time the facility has been here, occasionally in the middle of the night, someone will drive up here, honk their horn, speed around the parking lot to turn around and leave.  Recently this has been going on and the director has taken action to block the top of the hill so no one can get up here.  Graduates of the program can remember it happening at certain points during their stay here.

Recently, one of the counselors of the program was talking to a woman from the community.   When the counselor described the program to her and the location, she recognized it as the old military facility.  Then she told the counselor, "that's the place where you drive to the top of the hill, honk your horn three times, and then you can see a ghost..." 

Mystery solved, or is it?